Monday, July 28, 2008


Believe this or not, most of us are clueless when it comes to having a healthy, vibrant and mature "Love and Relationship!" Why: because most of us have never been taught how to make love work, in our "Love & Relationships."

As quiet as it's kept, great relationships are achieved by individuals who have allowed themselves to be open to directions, teachings, instructions, observations and a great desire to internalize wisdom, knowledge and understanding of themselves and the opposite sex, before they enter serious relationships. (This is called Wholeness)

Here's something to ponder about "Love and Relationships": Who taught you how to have a mature and developed love and relationship? Where and how did you learn all that you know about the opposite sex? Have you ever studied "Love and Relationships"- (Psychology 101, Sociology 101, the Bible: (Ephesians, Chapter 5: 22-33), or some of Dr. Laura's Books,) etc. How is it possible to expect great results from something you haven't studied - mastered or become very acquainted with? Have you healed the damaged from the last relationship? Are you a whole "Single" individual before you enter a committed relationship?

Finally, What is Love, Who is Love? Can you define what "Real Love" is (Is Love an Action or a Feeling?) and if you saw it, would you know what it looks like? It's very difficult to see something, if you don't know what it actually looks like, feel like, smell like or taste like, nor if you have never seen "Real Love" up close!

We all have work to do when it comes to healthy, vibrant, mature and developed "Love and Relationships"... Let's Get Started, because if we don't learn how to love and love with a purpose, than our so called "Love and Relationships" are doomed before they start!

"When I Change My Mind, I Change My Destiny and My Love and Relationships"

Sunday, July 27, 2008


The old adage says, "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush," and its wisdom is applicable to job seekers. It is usually far easier to find another job if you're already employed. But how can you ensure that the worst never happens to you -- that you're never left without a job and possibilities for your next opportunity?

Here are five suggestions from career coach Deborah Brown-Volkman:
Keep thinking positive.

It sounds deceptively simple, but try embracing the power of positive thinking when you're thinking about your career. Says Brown-Volkman, "When you tell yourself something bad will happen to your job, something bad will probably happen. If you tell yourself that you are marketable and confident and that you will always be working, your words can make this true."
Keep thinking ahead.

If you're not following trends within your particular industry, you could be caught off guard by a layoff. Is your position or division vulnerable to outsourcing, further automation, or elimination? Brown-Volkman, whose practice is based in New York, says, "If your job is being eliminated or outsourced, you will want to know about it before you are in the room with the human resources person telling you that your job is going away."

She urges professionals, "Look for trends and then train yourself in growth areas. Having the right skills at the right time ensures that no matter what is happening around you, you will be needed and employable."

Keep your resume ready.

Having your resume at the ready gives you confidence. You always know that if opportunity casually knocks, you're prepared to answer. Brown-Volkman reminds her clients, "Even if you are not looking for work, your resume reminds you of the contributions you make on a regular basis, something you can easily forget when you are immersed in the day-to-day. Whether you are looking for a job, or you already have one, an updated resume is essential for your career."
Keep cultivating your network.

Brown-Volkman, author of "Don't Blow It: The Right Words for the Right Job," believes networking should always be a part of your professional life. She states, "If you start to network only when you need something, you will have a lot of catching up to do." Instead of waiting until the 11th hour, she advises workers to network in some way every day.

"Wherever there are people, there is an opportunity to network." She also urges workers to network within their own workplaces. If coworkers understand what you do and your value, this could help safeguard your job in dicey times.

Keep your eyes and ears open.

You're up on the trends. You're networking. You've got a current resume. You're thinking positive thoughts. Now it's time to get creative -- by creating your own opportunities.

Read up on what your peers are doing and what you aren't. Consider how you might strike out on your own -- or on the side. Brown-Volkman adds, "Rather than thinking, 'It cannot happen,' believe that what you want is possible and is within your reach. Then, make it happen."

Saturday, July 26, 2008


1. What is your favorite Love and Relationship belief?

2. Are you in a Loving Relationship?

3. What is the greatest problem with the opposite sex? State your sex: M or F?

4. Where you ever taught how to Love and how to have a healthy Love and Relationship?

5. What is Memphis’ greatest strength?

6. What is Memphis’ greatest weakness?

7. What do you want the opposite sex to know about your gender that they may not know?

8. What is your definition of Love?

9. What is your most heartfelt desire for Memphis?

10. How do you want your tombstone to read?


Therapy: Man's Last Stand

Never quick to ask others for help, men often don't seek out much-needed therapy.

The woods are burning. The roof is falling in. The guy can't sleep, can't think and now he's having panic attacks.

Maybe it's time to consider therapy.

Then again, maybe not. The men of Metallica, it seems, broke new ground. "The average man is as likely to ask for help with a psychological problem as he is to ask for directions," says Terrence Real, executive director of the Relational Recovery Institute in Watertown, Massachusetts, and author of How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women. The reluctance is always the same: Therapy is not "manly."

"We teach men to be almost the opposite of what's required for therapy," says Gary Brooks, professor of psychology at Baylor University in Texas and author of A New Psychotherapy for Traditional Men.

"By the time they're in elementary school, boys have gotten the message that showing sadness or fear is a sign of weakness," says Ronald F. Levant, dean of the Center for Psychological Studies at Nova Southeastern University in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Decades after the much trumpeted rise of the "sensitive" guy, most men continue to keep their feelings hidden—even from themselves. For many men, negative emotions arouse such shame and discomfort that they cease to experience them altogether. "The four words men most dread hearing from women are 'We have to talk,' as that invariably means talking about emotions," says Levant.

Yet somehow men do find themselves in therapy in increasing numbers. Twenty-two percent of men sought mental health treatment from 2002 to 2004, according to Therapy in America, a poll sponsored by Psychology Today and PacifiCare Behavioral Health, Inc. The survey found that men constitute 37 percent of the total number of patients in treatment. "More people are going into treatment overall, but the proportion of men to women has not changed," says Jerome Vaccaro, president and CEO of PacifiCare.

Granted, both men and women often opt for medication over talk therapy, but seek therapy men do. What makes them ink the appointment? More often than not, the impetus is a woman. A typical male patient has been sent—usually by his wife, girlfriend or children, sometimes by his employer. Behind the command performance is a threat: "You change, or it's all over."

"I call them 'wife-mandated referrals,'" says Real.

Although depression, anxiety and shame may lurk beneath the surface, what's on the table is usually relationship problems. To defend against unwelcome feelings, many men adopt an attitude of superiority, entitlement and contempt for others. "They're not in pain," says Real.

"The people around them are in pain."

The men who enter therapy of their own volition have often hit rock bottom, says Levant. The despair they've denied or stifled with alcohol or overwork has spiraled until they can't fake it anymore. Often, it's the collapse of a marriage—unexpected, because months or years of warning signs have been ignored. "These men are in a daze," Levant says. "They don't know what hit them."

Then there's the matter of stigma. More than one in five men in the Therapy in America survey said they didn't trust therapists and wouldn't want to be associated with the type of person who receives therapy. Only one in 10 women held these views. But such stigma appears to be in decline, thanks in part to Dr. Phil and Tony Soprano, who have eclipsed the uptight, cerebral Frasier and Woody Allen as exemplars of male therapist and client, respectively.

More good news: Once men get down to business, opening up often brings a rapid sense of relief. "They've admitted something they were ashamed of, gotten it off their chest, and the world hasn't collapsed," says Levant. Indeed, the survey found that men and women were equally satisfied with their treatment experience.

For men, the biggest hurdle, whether you're a world-class rocker or a certified public accountant, is getting in the door.

From Tony Todde': "We as men must become willing to work on our weaknesses. What makes a man a man, is one who knows were he is weak and moves to seek help" No man is an island! If you know that you are suffering from life's problems, this is the moment to to be courageous. There is no shame in getting better for you and the ones that love you!" Open Up and Get Help!

Friday, July 25, 2008

It's A New Day In Radio...


Halle Berry, Gabriel Aubry and New Baby "Nahla Ariela Aubry"

Nearly four months to the day since giving birth to her daughter, Halle Berry has given the world its first glimpse of Nahla Ariela Aubry.
Halle was photographed carrying her infant in Los Angeles on July 17.
The baby girl, born March 16, is the first child for the 41-year-old Oscar winner and her boyfriend, Gabriel Aubry.
Following Nahla’s birth, Halle spoke with Access Hollywood’s Nancy O’Dell about picking out a name.
“We didn’t have a name picked out until just before we left the hospital,” Halle told Nancy. “For us it was hard to name the most important person in our life until we met her.”

Halle and Gabriel, 32, met in November 2005.

While the couple has no plans to marry, in an October 2007 interview with Oprah Winfrey, Halle said she and Gabriel are fully committed to each other.

“I feel more married, in a way, than I ever have in two marriages before,” she told Oprah. “He really understands the spiritual connection is so much more important than the paper and the pomp and circumstance and the ceremony.”
Congratulations Halle!

Saturday, July 19, 2008


Be Ye Transformed By The Renewal of Your Mind" or remain a prisoner of your own beliefs: Until we start uprooting the true causes of our unhappiness - we will never be happy, nor will we live our best lives, nor reach our greatest potentials! The Pillars on the road to happiness: Honesty, Trust, Acceptance, Awareness, Healing Damaged Relationships and Service!

Something we all must recognize and understand about ourselves: Our personality is not our real self. That's Right, My personality is not me! The sum of a person’s beliefs, attitudes and behaviors is their personality – but this is not who I am.

My “Inner Self” is the real me. The personality is the baggage that our consciousness carries around, so that it can deal with the world to get what it needs. The personality is a life-long accumulation of beliefs collected from family, friends,co-workers, church members and my overall environment, etc, - but it is not who I am –really! My “Inner Self” is who I am…but most of us do not know it yet.

We all must come to the realization, that my inner man and my inner woman wants to show itself for who it really is, but there is a problem - the personality wants to remain in control. My unreal self, the part of me that wears a mask and smiles when I'm dying inside. The part of me that wants everyone to like me, the part of me that's afraid to challenge my weaknesses. Most of us are afraid to show people who we really, because most of us believe that "if I show you my vulnerbilities and weaknesses, the world will not like me - and on top of that, the world will destroy me! Not True! My Personality is not the real me! Until I allow my inner man or inner woman to begin to express itself through my personality and not the the reverse... I will remain unhappy! Now is the time to begin the walk and the journey through the pillars towards real happiness...

Friday, July 18, 2008

Words Have Power!: "So As A Man or Woman Thinketh In Their Heart, So Is He or She"




Tony Todde' © 2000

When I Change My Mind,
I Change My Destiny,
My Money and My Power…

Tony Todde' © 2000


Tony Todde' © 2000

Beauty & Brains Can
Co-Exist in the Same Anatomy

Tony Todde ©2000


The Cause of School Violence, Delinquent Behavior and the Answers to Up-Root the Problem!

What is at the root of all bad behavior at Schools or Anywhere? The Environment? No! Economic Conditions? No! The Lack of Parental Involvement? Yes and No! The Teachers? Yes and No! The Politicians entrusted with the Leadership of the School System. Yes and No!

The first step in uprooting bad behavior is to ask rooted questions: What is at the root of bad behavior? We all should know that mis-behaving on a small scale, grows into worst behavior -which is Violence and Murder (fully grown). Example: If we were trying to control a lawn with weeds (crab grass, dandelions, etc.), we would call in a lawn company to "treat" the grass (treat the weeds and help to grow the non-weeded grass) so that the good grass would have a greater opportunity to grow and not be "choked-out" by the weeds, while killing the growth of the weeds at the root". Have any of you ever seen weeds as tall as a house? How is that possible? Answer: No treatment or uprooting the weeds when they were small! "Train up a child in the way that he or she should go and when old he or she will not depart."

How do we begin the "treatment" of bad behavior? We must answer the first question: What controls everyone's behavior -good or bad? And, what is at the root of bad behavior? Answer: Bad Thoughts! Somewhere I read, "So as a man or woman thinketh in the heart (mind) so is he or she! This also applies to young people, as well as adults. Somewhere, I also read: "Be ye transformed by the renewal of your mind!" (not by the clothes you wear, where you live, who my parents are, or what type of home I live in, or car I drive, which girl or boy I like, But by the renewing of my mind.

We have to treat the bad thoughts, false beliefs, and total mis-perceptions and mis-conceptions that students have about themselves, about their peers, about school, about how the world really works and more importantly, about God!

The treatment of bad behavior is very powerful and simple: in order to change behavior, we must replace bad thoughts, false beliefs, imprisoned thinking (weeds), with good thoughts, right beliefs, and real experiences - versus assumed lifestyles on BET, MTV and those peer influences my personality conceives at school: teaching students honesty, truth, inner young man and young woman awareness of who they really are and not who they think they are.

We have to begin the enormous process of getting the root of students false beliefs!!!!!!

I am a tremendous advocate for cognitive therapy, behavioral modification and character development in our public school system, as a permanent curriculum - like , math, science, history, english, and foreign languages, etc. - knowing how the thought process operates and how it determines how I make decisions, decisions that determine my behavioral - is the greatest science of all the sciences and one of the greatest courses that could be offered to students. "SO AS A MAN OR WOMAN THINKETH IN THEIR HEART (MIND), SO IS HE OR SHE!" "Be Ye Transformed By the Renewal of My Mind"

We must begin to advocate for behavioral modification as a permenent curriculum in our public school system - NOW!

"When I Change My Mind, I Change My Destiny, My Money and My Power!"

Who is a Virtuous Woman?

Virtuous: Moral excellence and righteousness; goodness. An example or kind of moral excellence: the virtue of patience. Chastity: especially in a woman. A particularly efficacious, good, or beneficial quality; advantage: a plan with the virtue of being practical. Effective force or power: believes in the virtue of prayer.

Proverbs 31:

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

Thursday, July 17, 2008



Wednesday, July 16, 2008


Could the Obama run for the presidency be more than an awakening of race relations in the United States? Could it be a call to every American and Human Being in the world to take a look at what's really going in our hearts? Are we really open to differences in others different from ourselves? Could it be a moment in our history to shine a spotlight on what we say and stand for outwardly versus what we think and harbor in our inner thoughts? Just maybe, this great event is not political, but spiritual? Just maybe, we are witnessing a "promise land" moment, not just for a race or group, but maybe, just maybe, a movement toward atonement and realignment of the stars in our hearts? If this is the case, then this is truly "Change We Can Believe In" and "Change" we need!

"When I Change My Mind, I Change My Destiny, My Money and My Power"

I truly believe that the more we know, the more we grow: mind, body and soul.

Who we are and who we believe we are - as Memphians, Tennesseans, Americans, and members of the Human Race have always been a developing journey and adventure in life. We all have to begin to merge our true identity with the perceived realities of our own existence.

Since time and memorial, women have had to struggle with the misperception that having beauty and brains could not co-exist in the same anatomy.

For centuries, women have had to accent who they are and why they are with external extras that accented their beauty only, while having to prove to the world, that they were and are worthy of glamour and intelligence simultaneously.

I know all too well that beauty and brains can and does co-exist in the embodiment of every woman and continues to exist with women across this city, county, state, nation and the world.

The belief that, “When I Change My Mind, I Change My Destiny, My Money and My Power,” does not apply to the male species of the universe only, but has always resided powerfully in women, since the beginning of time.

So, as women move forward toward their already existing greatness and more towards their untapped gifts and purposes, they are choosing to listen more and more to their inner woman that knows that women are phenomenal and that a woman’s greatest asset is her mind.

I also believe, that “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

I am sure that having courage under fire and the inner spirit to believe that tomorrow will be better than today – continues to be the hallmark of men in this city, county, state, nation and around the globe.

I have a confidence and a rich understanding that men of greatness will continue to endeavor with all deliberate speed to achieve excellence for themselves, their families and their communities.

Most of us have more worth and value than we are truly aware of. We sometimes journey through life, hoping and praying for that magical moment and time to appear, when the discovery of our greatness will manifest itself towards us. I believe that moment is now!

I believe that our true greatness is within us and having that belief will lead us to our true purpose and destiny on earth.

When we choose to believe the best in ourselves and the best in our future; we can help others to believe and achieve their own personal greatness and purpose.

We are… who we think we are! “When We Change Our Mind, We Change Our Destiny, Our Money and Our Power.”

Tony Todde'